My Dear Starbucks
It’s not you – it’s really me. You see we’ve been together for a while now but really, I’ve changed – I want to make it quite clear that it’s really all my fault.
As you know, I really love good coffee and when you decided to stop grinding coffee in each shop some time ago, I went along with you. I know the reason you did this was to save money – and I can appreciate that sentiment in these times.
And I understand that when you deliver me coffee with a ton of grinds on the bottom as you did on I-69, that you really don’t mean it. It was a momentary slip on your part and I forgave you.
And that crusty-stale slice of lemon pound-cake on I-80? Ah, but who can remember those details? It’s not important. Neither is the filthy bathrooms I’m increasingly seeing as I travel – after all, your career is important and I should pitch in to do my part.
I won’t even go into the problems with high-heat roasting and increasingly bitter coffee that you probably got at a reduced price. Hey, a girl has to save money where she can.
And no, it’s not about that hussy Timmy – she has bitter coffee too and it isn’t as hot as you are.
It’s really me. You see I don’t like having to drink my coffee with cream and sugar to make it palatable. I rather like the taste of black coffee straight-up with no additives. So when I find myself having to sugar and cream your coffee, I feel badly.
A double-double is really, the same taste. And when yours costs twice as much as Timmy charges, you can hardly expect me to remain true to you. It’s really me though – I’ve changed and just can’t seem to wrap my head around what you’re so obviously being creative about.
Blame it on me. But unfortunately my dear, the relationship is over. There’s just nothing special about you anymore – but it’s me that’s changed here.
UPDATE: Turns out my tastebuds are right on track. Here’s an article explaining what’s going on.