In the midst of the seismic shifts in my garden writing business, several things took a back seat. The first was my fiction writing. Haven’t done more than glance at a few scenes since last fall. Another was this blog.
I looked at the list of unpublished posts on my Evernote files and wondered why it was getting longer and longer.
Well, to be honest I don’t have to wonder. I know. I write something and the next day decide it’s “not good enough.” It’s not written well enough. It’s a silly idea. It’s just “not quite what I wanted to say.”
I have a ton of excuses. It’s a classic case of what Steven Pressfield calls “resistance” – that interior force preventing the writer from taking the last step. I’ve done a lot of the work but not that last step. Hitting publish is taking the risk. Putting words and thoughts out there to readers for their opinion and reaction is a massive risk to my ego,
What if they think I’m stupid? What if they laugh at it? What if they unsubscribe? Or ignore me? What if… What If….
There are a ton of what-ifs lying in wait to haul me off my writerly raft into the unknown depths.
And I’ve been well and truly off that raft as I work on the myriad details of getting two big gardening sites moved, rethought and rebuilt.
Moving the garden sites was necessary but it was also a ready excuse to stop pushing myself in new writerly directions. And I took that excuse like the proverbial lifeline. Grabbed onto it as if a boat were going down behind me.
Hence, the 25+ articles sitting in my files that I’ve not published.
Resistance stretched out its welcoming arms and I let it hug me tight.
It was easy. Like eating way too much chocolate but not being able to stop until the bowl is empty. (Yeah – don’t kid me, I know you’ve done that too,)
I’m fighting my way back to the boat again. Started editing the fiction. Published this post. Now we’ll see if I can keep it up.
You know resistance in your life as well. I have no guaranteed prescription for beating it that I can share. I’m told some folks let that pain/fear run their entire lives and never hit the publish or go-button. My two big projects had to be done – that’s my solid, valid excuse – but now they’re under control and I’m on the long road to constant improvement.
And that means it’s time to find the boat. Remove the resistance-tentacles. Write the words and hit the publish button.
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